Dishonest and No-Fault Divorce Legal guidelines


I live in the state of Colorado. My husband cheated on me and I am about to file for divorce. I was told that because of fraudulent divorce laws, I cannot use his cheating as a ground for divorce. Is that true, can he cheat, spend money on that other woman and not be held accountable?


Being “held accountable” is a phrase that frustrated spouses often throw around. The answer we divorce lawyers have is only going to add to your frustration – let’s just get this out of the way so that at least you don’t pay your attorney’s hourly rate while you’re not only frustrated, but also: It depends: Let’s summarize it now:

Does the judge want to hear (or even take care of) his cheating? Not really. Remember, judges see many cases every day, and many of those cases involve allegations of misconduct by one or both spouses – cheating, lying, porn addiction, domestic violence – and that’s only worth a day for the sad parade that runs through their courtrooms marches.

Can he spend money on another woman and not have to pay it back? We’re back to “it depends” (sorry, I know everyone hates that answer!). Some states have laws that allow a spouse to claim a refund for money spent behind your back. But let me ask a more important question: how much did he spend? Are we talking about a luxury trip to Paris worth $ 20,000 or a few nights at a Motel 6 in Boulder? If it costs you more legal fees than he spent, let go of it. As the saying goes, there is no point in throwing good money after bad.

Speaking to someone else not as a lawyer but as a divorced mom is a path you don’t want to go, honey. It is incredibly painful to spend hours pouring over the financial details of your husband’s cheating to prepare evidence for the court. In my many years as a divorce attorney, I’ve seen only a handful of people actually able to get money back on business. It’s hard to prove and judges don’t like to deal with it.

I would focus your efforts on getting fair property and instead support a settlement. Then set aside a little money to treat yourself to a spa day, maybe some cute shoes, and loads of therapy so you can heal and move on to the great life you deserve.

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