Does Social Media Intensify Your Divorce Loneliness?

We’ve all been through this. You’re pouring a glass of wine after a long day at work, and all you want to do is mindlessly scroll social media for a mental break.

But just the opposite happens. The first thing you see on your newsreel is a picture of flowers that your high school friend Janine – the annoying cheerleader who married her school sweetheart – is bragging about. The flowers are beautiful and it’s headed “30 years strong, married to my best friend” or some stupid BS.

And just like that, your quick distraction has made you feel lonely about being divorced and single. It makes you angry. Jealous. And now you’re frustrated wondering why everyone has someone but you.

Social media and loneliness

Pooh. Stupid social media!

But not all hope is lost. When you are feeling lonely and left out, especially after a divorce, there are three simple things you can do to get your thinking back going and get you out of that pit of solitude for divorce on social media.

Mute or don’t follow the people whose posts make you feel bad.

It’s that simple. If there are a handful of women on your timeline who keep posting annoying posts that read, “I’m taking part in the” I love my husband “challenge, or” #myhusbandismylife “or” #uckyiestwifeintheworld “- mute it or just don’t follow her.

No, you don’t have to block them if you don’t want to. But if their stuff keeps popping up on your newsreel and you’ve got to the point where you’d rather see your cousin Redneck Randy’s eighth conspiracy post, it was actually the Illuminati who stormed the U.S. Capitol, then * know * that it’s time to unfollow Janine.

If you can’t mute because you are addicted, you will become an anthropologist.

Hey i understand Sometimes it is impossible to mute because you are addicted to seeing the posts that make you feel bad about yourself. When you’re divorced and at home alone and desperate to feel something, unfollowing someone can be difficult, even if it makes you feel awful. Because that resentment or regret at least makes you feel alive. I’m not saying this is healthy, but when you are lonely and drawn into the social media drug it can be difficult to shake. Especially when COVID is still on and we’re stuck at home.

So, if you choose not to follow this person but are tired of how lonely their posts make you feel, become an anthropologist instead. If you’re feeling triggered and jealous, ask yourself the following questions:

“What are the other 90% of the story this #blessed Facebook post * doesn’t * tell me?”

“Why does Janine feel like she always has to post these things?”

Is it because she’s lonely too? Is it because she is afraid of a divorce? Is it because she’s bored as hell? Is it because she’s tired of her own cousin, whose name is Redneck Roy, and his conspiracy theories about how Joe Biden is a robot and VP Kamala in the Illuminati? And she’s taking the main drag and posting flowers keeps her from clapping back and starting a huge Facebook fight with the family?

When you remove your own feelings and triggers from a social media post that makes you feel lonely after a divorce and you can look at it from a more objective point, you will find that:

1) It’s not about you and your divorce and that Janine doesn’t try to rub it in someone’s face;

2) Everyone tries to give the best they can and;

3) That the people who seem to be bragging are likely to feel just as lonely as you, even if they’re not divorced, but just put it differently.

If all else fails, set a time limit. Then do something else.

If you muted or stopped chasing this person but still found yourself drawn to go back and read their posts, that’s normal and I’m not here to judge you for that.

But what won’t help you is spending hours looking at these posts – especially on the weekends and evenings when you feel lonely.

So if you can’t stop reading these posts, at least set a timer on your phone and promise yourself that it will only be 15 minutes of hate scrolling. And as soon as the buzzer rings after 15 minutes, your time is up. No more hate scrolling. You no longer have to judge yourself because no one has sent you flowers. No more feeling sorry for yourself for currently being single and resentment against others who post things that make you feel bad. Because they have nothing to do with you.

And for some more advanced things, set the social media timer on your phone. That way, you have a limit on how much time you can spend walking into the rabbit hole of high school friends’ flower pictures. And when the time is up, don’t ignore it and override the warning. Hang up the phone and do something joyful or productive. Like finding a new recipe to try. Or plan your first trip to COVID. Or literally anything else that doesn’t make you feel bad.

While navigating social media feels like a minefield when you’re divorced and feeling lonely, these proactive steps can help take some of that burden off of you so you can focus on putting yourself first to put.

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