Can we say without a doubt that a couple are getting divorced before they walk down the aisle? No in most cases, although in some cases you can see a train wreck when it comes. How do you know if your marriage will last?
There’s no easy answer to this question, but there are some signs that predict whether a couple is more likely to divorce. If you are having any of these issues in your relationship, you may be able to avoid future problems before walking down the aisle.
8 predictors of divorce:
1. Money, money, money:
When there are a lot of money problems, do you both bump into each other or do you sit together and find solutions instead of pointing fingers? How the two of you deal with money separately and together is important.
If you fight each other instead of working together on how to more appropriately manage the finances, it could lead you both to divorce. If either of you continues to owe the other or has not paid their debts in the past, it may be time to sit down with a financial advisor and therapist if your partner is financially irresponsible.
2. The woman is financially more successful:
The University of Chicago School of Business conducted research in 2013 that found divorce rates increased when a woman made more money than her husband. Perhaps this is based on a socio-cultural belief that men should be the breadwinners, and if that doesn’t happen, a man may feel weaker or less important.
If you are a well educated woman, your partner may be threatened by your success.
What can you do about it?
Nothing. If a man is so threatened, he is not the right one for you. And men, if your partner is financially more successful, don’t you also benefit from her success? Don’t get caught up in old ideologies and cultural stereotypes.
3. Your parents are divorced:
Study after study says that if your parents get divorced, you’re more likely to get divorced too. Maybe that’s true. If your parents are getting divorced and you want to make your marriage happy, you can learn some lessons from your parents’ end of marriage and use those lessons to give you perspective on how to deal with conflicting your marriage or how to make a good potential Select partner.
I think if you are about to “get married” there is no pun intended to the idea that it is too fatalistic for your parents to divorce you. Learn from their mistakes. That in itself can be a gift.
4. No gender:
If you and your partner start restricting your sexual activities, you are stepping into the danger zone. Sex is important to a marriage. You don’t have to be in bed with each other every night to get horny, but if the two of you start kiboshing marital sexual activity and intimacy, it is a very bad sign of major problems in the relationship.
5. Different values or backgrounds
A colleague of mine came from a liberal background and her ex was from a conservative background. Despite the fact that there were mutual opinions that they respected, their values and belief systems ended up being incredibly different.
It wasn’t surprising when they started arguing more when they had a child. Their belief systems argued about how to raise their children, which is common when two people do not share similar backgrounds and values. When you and your partner have naturally different views on life, it can (but not always) lead to a difficult marriage.
6. Young love
To marry young? You may find that as you get older, your interests and life change so much that you get older apart, rather than as a couple. At 40 we are different people than at 20.
That’s not to say that becoming a couple at a young age can’t work. I have friends who got married when they were 15 and 16 years old. They just celebrated their 40th birthday! Being young makes marriage more difficult and requires more commitment. So you have to be ready to assert yourself when things get difficult.
7. Fight ugly, not fight smart:
If you and your partner are struggling to get hurt, expect one of these struggles to separate your marriage. If you really love and value someone, you are not after blood even when you are angry and hurt.
Being cruel or attacking is not a sign of healthy love. The most important thing in a marriage is to fight smart. Choose your battles wisely and avoid making accusatory statements. Be careful with your words. There is no way to really take them back – they have already been said as soon as they leave your lips!
8. Hold a grudge:
If you find that one of you is supposed to forgive but never forgets, it is a toxic habit for your relationship and your future marriage. If you truly forgive, you have to let go too! Holding on to old resentments will eat you up inside and destroy your partnership until nothing is left but ashes.
If you see any of these behaviors in your relationship, don’t let negativity or desperation confuse you. If it’s something you can change, do it instead! If the relationship requires more than a few changes, counseling might be an option for you. If you are not yet married but see these potential issues, you may need to seek pre-marital counseling. Better not to say I do than to say I do and later to say, “I should have said I didn’t!”
Comments are closed.