From the pandemic, to people losing their jobs and businesses, to the loss of loved ones from COVID-19, to children who have to be virtually at home, to work from home. Divorce is just another added stress. It may seem downright impossible to adopt after divorce in 2021, and I’m not blaming you.
Let’s face it, divorce is a big break in life. It affects you mentally, emotionally, financially, and physically.
There is so much to do and think about. You may think:
- What’s next for me
- How will I manage financially?
- Why do I feel so hurt even knowing this was the best decision?
- How can I disappoint my children?
- Why couldn’t I make this marriage work?
- What’s wrong with me
- Why do I feel like a failure?
- Will I ever find love again
Right now your mind may be walking a mile a minute trying to figure out the answers to all of these questions. If you’re in that headspace, you want an answer, and you want it now. You want a certain amount of security for your decision and the future of your life.
Do yourself a favor and take a short break. Close your eyes and take about three deep breaths.
See, isn’t that easy? After you’ve done that, please read on.
I don’t want to paint this wrong picture and tell you that divorce has no challenges in the beginning. Nor do I want to tell you that it is easy and that you can just keep going like nothing happened. None of this is true.
But what’s also true is that while divorce has its challenges, it doesn’t mean it’s impossible. It doesn’t mean that just because the divorce happened to you, you can’t accept this next new chapter in your life.
This may not have been your plan for 2021. However, to embrace 2021 after divorce, you need to think about your life and the impact that change will have on your future.
Let me share with you 8 ways you can adopt after divorce in 2021.
How to hug after divorce in 2021
1. Feel and act
Experiencing a divorce is like losing a loved one. It is important to take the time to properly grieve your situation in order to embrace this new chapter. You don’t have to pretend you’re okay. You also don’t have to jump into another relationship quickly to avoid your injuries. Give yourself permission to feel so that you can deal with your feelings without an excuse.
2. Plan your finances
When couples split up, so do their finances. It is important that you are aware of your current income and expenses. Emotional spending can cause you to spend more than you can afford, which can lead to debt. Review your current income and make the necessary adjustments to ensure you are staying within a budget that is manageable for your lifestyle. If you need help, contact a divorce finance planner to get you started.
3. Control what you can, let go of what you can’t
Here’s the truth: your ex might be trying to push your buttons. If you are co-parents, they may not always work together or they may not adhere to your standards. You may have moved on faster than expected, but it’s important to pause and ask yourself: Can I control this? To enjoy this new season, you need to expend your energy and time. As you try to control what is unlikely to change, you are unknowingly repeating the same problems you once faced when you were married. Take a moment, take a break, and ask yourself this question before reacting.
4. Your physical health is important
What do you eat? Are you active? Are you getting enough quality sleep? Your activity level or your lack of it affects your mood. Emotional eating can be a coping mechanism. Purposely taking care of your health can help reduce other health stressors such as anxiety and / or depression. Take some time and cook healthy meals instead of grabbing something like french fries, cookies, or ice cream. Take a 15-minute walk to get some fresh air and exercise your body. Go to bed at a decent hour so you get adequate sleep. Doing these little things will have a big impact.
5. Your ex is not your competition
Keeping up with your ex’s every move will put you in a competitive spirit to believe you need to keep up with them. If you’ve moved on to another relationship, it doesn’t mean you have to. If you’ve bought a new house or car, don’t think you have to. You have nothing to prove to them!
6. Ask for help
You don’t have to find out everything yourself. That will overwhelm you. Find a team to help you! If you are having trouble processing your feelings and emotions, seek help from a therapist, counselor, pastor, and / or divorce coach. If you’re having trouble getting your finances in order, find a financial planner to help you. If you need someone to watch the children, who do you have in your circle that you trust to watch them? Always remember, we all need help.
7. What do you want?
When you’re married, it is easy to get lost at times. You are breaking away from the things you once loved, or maybe you have decided not to seek out those new desires that you have always been curious about. This is a time to wonder what you want. Yes, you may be a parent and have other responsibilities, but prioritizing yourself in a healthy way will create joy in your life. Is there a company that you would like to start? Do you want to go back to school? Is there a hobby that interests you? Take a moment and think about the things that interest you.
8. Celebrate your victories
Every step you take is a step you should acknowledge. Recognizing every single win, no matter how big or small you think, will make a difference in how you embrace this new journey. Each day, take a moment, think and see what you did to make yourself proud. Did you go for a walk Did you prepare a healthy meal instead of eating something unhealthy? Did you record your thoughts? Have you picked up a hobby that you are interested in? Did you get some much needed rest? Always remember that a win is a win.
Understand that it won’t always be this way. The best thing you can do when you wake up every day is to aim on purpose every day. Pay attention to how you want your day to look and move accordingly. Always knowing if the day is not going as intended, then dust yourself off, give yourself some grace, and move on. As you keep moving forward, you will find yourself in a place of acceptance to adopt after the divorce in 2021.
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