Going through a divorce, or even contemplating a divorce, will feel like a dark cloud follows your every move. This dark energy shadows any light, which is why it feels like you are so alone. This darkness has no face, no name. It just feels unsettling. It makes perfect sense to feel that you want to protect and defend yourself from anything and everything that threatens your very existence.
I talk a lot about “the fight”. It is the place where our armor is high and we are waiting to be defended for the next threat. Change brings a lot of uncertainty, and by nature we are creatures who like things to keep the status quo.
Divorce is the exact opposite of keeping the status quo. It’s a disruptor of what used to feel like home. It messes everything up and our minds tell us that we are not safe and that we need to protect what could be taken away from us.
It’s survival.
But that’s not what we’re made for. We are not here to just survive, to live every day and to await the worst. Going through a divorce is not your soul’s goal, nor is it your goal to relive the trauma of that painful experience over and over again.
So what’s your purpose
That’s a pretty deep question that I only asked in my late thirties. Why did it take so long to ask this life changing question? Up until that point, I was the queen who betrayed myself and neglected the needs of my spirit. I was what everyone else needed from me: what my family needed from me, what my husband needed from me, what my children needed from me. I was convinced that if I met everyone else’s expectations, I would be happy.
Life for everyone else took me to a place where I felt like I had no identity, like I was a ghost, like I lived outside of my life and not in it. It was empty, I felt separated, and I felt trapped in my marriage.
Taking responsibility for our decisions is not an easy task. I wanted to blame everyone for my misfortune. Of course, it was easier for me to point my finger outwards than to look at myself in the mirror and make my decisions, make the decisions that have led me to such an unconscious place. But blame only gave up my power and hampered my purpose. If I was to live my purpose, I had to be willing to write the victim story.
So, I ask you this, are you busy playing the guilt game like I was? For your unhappiness, do you blame everyone around you for stopping doing the things you enjoyed?
In order to live the meaning of your life you must first remember who you are. Who were you before you became a wife or a mother, or any label for that matter?
I want you to remember who you were as a kid? What did the little child care? What got you excited? What did you spend your time on What brought a smile to your face?
Did you stop doing these things because you told yourself you ran out of time, are now parents, and your children need you, that you are just too busy?
Who should say you don’t have time? Are you not important When did we go into the lie that we had to give up fueling the creative, passionate side of ourselves to be what all the rest of us need?
I want you to ponder the limiting beliefs you are telling yourself about why you aren’t doing the things that feed your soul.
Let me give you some commonly used ones that I hear from a lot of customers:
- I’m too old
- I am too busy
- What will people think of me?
- I am not good enough
- I have no time
- I do not have enough money
- I am not smart enough
- I am not creative
- My children need me
You are not alone if you believe any of these limiting beliefs. I digested many of these lies as my truth until I had a complete identity crisis. I had a dark night of the soul where I literally had no idea who I was, what I liked or why I even existed. The only thing I knew for sure was that the life I was living, the person I had become, the disconnected soul I was, couldn’t be to me. I knew there had to be more!
That dark night I asked myself some very deep questions. It was a crucial moment and I wanted to know: who the hell am I, why am I here and what do I care? It was that moment that changed everything for me.
That night I reconnected with who I was as a little girl, and since that night I have brought the steps back in my direction. I realized that the only truth that existed could only be found within myself, not from anything outside of me.
As you stop living life for everyone else you begin to remind yourself that there is a reason you are here and you begin to live your truth. They write down the lies: “But it’s selfish to do things for me because my children need me.” Your family needs a woman who lives their truth and lives a life of purpose.
Living on purpose leads with legacy. When we stop living by excuses and living by legacy, life begins to have meaning, even pain.
What will you leave your children with when you leave this life? What should others say about you? How would you like to be remembered?
I want to remind you of that again. Divorce is not your purpose.
If you need someone to talk to and want to learn more about how you can get out of this painful place and live a life to enjoy, please make a free phone call to me …
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