Q: I am like many other singles interested in dating and finding ways to get to know someone personally during a pandemic. But this extended lockdown now makes all social life impossible.
I feel extremely isolated when I work from home, stay away from my family, and don’t see all of my friends due to COVID-19. All thoughts of a future relationship seem hopeless.
Help! Is there any way singles can find love and companionship during this terrible time?
A: It’s all out there – other people feel just like you but also have access to online contacts through email / text / dating apps / chat groups etc.
I understand that it is not easy to feel hopeless when reaching out to others.
So just start with self-care: soothing baths, skin care regimens, a healthy diet, and fitness activities like regular outdoor walking (masked and socially distant) can improve your outlook and help ensure a substantial sleep.
Once you start feeling better about yourself, you will also feel more confident using dating apps that have something suitable for these times.
One company, Hinge, has a new dating feature – video prompts. It was designed as an interactive icebreaker to facilitate data, conversation easier to find. It offers participants a choice of eight conversation topics followed by five calls for discussion.
Toronto Dating Hub is another online dating company that hosts virtual singles events and also provides coaching services.
Do your own research on established dating sites for more unique approaches.
In the meantime, reinvigorate your other relationships with friends, colleagues, and family. Establish virtual contacts regularly to keep in touch, encourage others during this time, and be encouraged to yourself.
Q: How much is appropriate for me to speak to my adult daughter about her father and stepmother?
I was always a single mother (of my choice), although her father was always involved in my daughter’s life to varying degrees.
He and his wife met when my daughter was very young. His insecure wife felt threatened by me. It escalated when he stopped paying the minimum amount of child support we had informally agreed on.
I tried to convey this, but his wife got angry that she was not accepted.
We dealt with lawyers for two years. I heard rude things his wife had said about me, including the fact that she was trying to make my daughter doubt my love.
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I tried to say only positive things about my daughter’s father and be neutral towards his wife.
However, I once told my daughter that her father did not want to pay child support, which annoyed her.
He’s basically a good person who is overly influenced by a domineering woman. But she is very loyal to those she loves (fortunately my daughter is one of them).
But she turned his family against me and produced evidence in court.
My daughter is now a happy, successful young woman who is sensitive but tough. She must have been affected by those terrible years, and I wonder if she was poisoned against me.
We have a good relationship, although not as close as I would like it to be. Should I tell her more about what happened back then?
Somewhat tortured mother
A: Trust me the answer is no. If she wants to discuss it, she’ll ask you. In the meantime, don’t rock a “good relationship”.
She had her father / stepmother / you all her life and obviously became happy, successful, empathetic and “tough” from all of these influences.
Don’t rock their basic supports. Enjoy the time with her and express your love. That’s all she needs to know.
Ellie’s tip of the day
Singles: do not despair. Use self care, outside air, healthy eating, fitness, and sleep to help you stay healthy and confident.
Ellie Tesher is a counselor to the star and is based in Toronto. Email your relationship questions to: [email protected].
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