Particular Events Can Suck When You Are Divorced

Let me put a caveat in front of this article: what I write here applies not only to mothers on Mother’s Day, but also to fathers on Father’s Day and to both parents for all important events, holidays, birthdays, etc.

Mother’s Day is fast approaching. Mother’s Day has never been my favorite day. This isn’t a specific outcome of my divorce, but the divorce made my feelings more intense for the day. My relationship with my mother is strained so I don’t really enjoy Mother’s Day.

Mother’s Day Fear

Special occasions are one of the many times when we should put our children and the example we give them above all other emotions. I’m not going to lie, it is difficult sometimes, but growing beyond my selfishness is an example I want to set my children. One of the things I have done during my marriage, separation, and divorce is to make sure my children could spend money on their father, parents, and cousins ​​on special occasions, if the children wanted to.

Even if their dad is manic and on the warpath, I want my children to learn how to properly interact with people. I want them to realize that sometimes we need to respect the position that people take in our lives, even when it is difficult to respect them as individuals.

My ex is her father, he always will be.

That’s why I teach our children to get him Father’s Day cards and gifts on special occasions. We celebrate all special occasions in his life. No gifts or cards are from me, they are all from our children, but I want to allow them to express their love and respect for him. We can afford some years more than others; sometimes they give homemade cards and sweets because money is tight. You always give him something.

My ex doesn’t reciprocate the feelings I have about respect. This means my special occasions, if our children get something for me or want to do something special for me, I have to pay the bill. Kind of takes the fun out of it, doesn’t it? Instead of my kids buying me something, I usually give them a list of things to do for me that I would appreciate. The things on the list range from extra household chores to encouraging notes, artwork, homemade cards, and simple things they can do without my knowledge.

You know what?

My kids are great !!! Valentine’s Day I came home to a dark house, a candlelit path, romantic music, I followed the path through my house (it was lined with cute paper hearts that they had cut out) to my bedroom where my youngest son sat surrounded from tealights (with a rose in hand) he spread his arms and said: “Mom, I will be your Valentine’s Day”. I cried! My kids are amazing. He was my Valentine’s Day date. We went to the movies and had McDonald’s and that was the best Valentine’s Day I’ve had in my life.

The point is, a little thoughtfulness goes a long way. Help your children express their love for your ex. My divorce is a high conflict divorce, things are not consensual between us, but that doesn’t change how I would like my children to treat their father. Always make sure that your children have the freedom and the means to express their love and appreciation for your ex, no matter how difficult the adult relationship may be.

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