We’ve all been through this. You’re pouring a glass of wine after a long day at work, and all you want to do is scroll through Facebook senselessly for a mental break.
But just the opposite happens. The first thing you see on your newsreel is a picture of flowers that your high school friend Janine – the annoying cheerleader who married her school sweetheart – is bragging about. The flowers are beautiful and it’s headed “30 years strong, married to my best friend” or some stupid BS.
And just like that, your quick distraction left you lonely because you’re divorced and single. It makes you angry. Jealous. And now you are frustrated because you wonder why everyone has someone but you.
But not all hope is lost. When you are feeling lonely and left out, especially after a divorce, there are three simple things you can do to get your mindset back on track and get you out of the solitude of the Facebook divorce.
1. Mute or don’t follow the people whose posts make you feel awful.
It’s as simple as that. When there are a handful of women on your timeline who keep posting annoying posts that read: “I’m taking part in the” I love my husband “challenge or” #myhusbandismylife “or” #uckyiestwifeintheworld “- switch Just mute her or don’t follow her.
No, you don’t have to block them if you don’t want to. But if their stuff keeps popping up on your newsreel and you’ve got to the point where you’d rather see your cousin Redneck Randy’s eighth conspiracy post, it was actually the Illuminati who stormed the U.S. Capitol, then * know * that it’s time to unfollow Janine. Or Karen. Or whatever the hell the name of women who are still “blissfully” married to their husbands after 30 years while still healing from a divorce.
2. If you can’t mute because you are addicted, become an anthropologist.
Hey i understand Sometimes it is impossible to mute because you are addicted to seeing the posts that make you feel bad about. When you’re divorced and at home alone and desperate to feel something, unfollowing someone can be difficult, even if it makes you feel terrible. Because that resentment or regret at least makes you feel alive. I’m not saying this is healthy, but when you are lonely and drawn into the social media drug it can be difficult to shake. Especially when COVID is still going on and we’re stuck at home.
So, if you choose not to follow this person but are tired of how lonely their posts make you feel, become an anthropologist instead. If you’re feeling triggered and jealous, ask yourself these questions:
“What are the other 90% of the story this #blessed Facebook post * doesn’t * tell me?”
“Why does Janine feel like she always has to post these things?”
Is it because she’s lonely too? Is it because she is afraid of a divorce? Is it because she’s bored as hell? Is it because she’s tired of her own cousin, whose name is Redneck Roy, and his conspiracy theories about how Joe Biden is a robot and VP Kamala in the Illuminati? And she’s taking the main drag and posting flowers keeps her from clapping back and starting a huge Facebook fight with the family?
When you remove your own feelings and triggers from a Facebook post that makes you feel lonely after a divorce and can look at it from a more objective point, you will find that:
1) It’s not about you and your divorce and that Janine doesn’t try to rub it in someone’s face;
2) Everyone tries to give the best they can and;
3) That the people who seem to be bragging are likely to feel just as lonely as you, even if they’re not divorced, but just put it differently.
3. If all else fails, set a time limit. Then do something else.
If you muted or stopped chasing this person but still found yourself drawn to go back and read their posts, that’s normal and I’m not here to judge you for that.
But what won’t help you is spending hours looking at these posts – especially on the weekends and evenings when you feel lonely.
So if you can’t stop reading these posts, at least set a timer on your phone and promise yourself that it will only be 15 minutes of hate scrolling. And as soon as the buzzer rings after 15 minutes, your time is up. No more hate scrolling. You no longer have to judge yourself because no one has sent you flowers. No more feeling sorry for yourself for being single right now, or resentment against others who post things that make you feel like shit. Because they have nothing to do with you.
And for some more advanced things, set the social media timer on your phone. That way, you have a limit on how much time you can spend walking into the rabbit hole of high school friends’ flower pictures. And when the time is up, don’t ignore it and override the warning. Hang up the phone and do something joyful or productive. Like finding a new recipe to try. Or plan your first trip to COVID. Or literally any other thing that doesn’t make you feel bad.
While scrolling Facebook feels like a minefield when you’re divorced and feeling lonely, these proactive steps can help take some of that burden off you so that you can focus on getting yourself first put.
Martha Bodyfelt is a divorce recovery trainer who helps working women overcome their loneliness, nurture their self-worth, and develop a wealth of mindsets to help them feel fulfilled, have more fun, and focus on whatever their relationship status is Looking forward to the future.
Visit http://survivingyoursplit.com for your free Goddess of Divorce Restoration Kit
Photo by Austin Distel on Unsplash