Marriage is not easy.
It takes a lot of effort, commitment and tolerance from our partners to keep it alive and healthy. And when children are involved, the need to show love, respect, and trust in a marriage becomes much more important.
However, some couples are linked not by love, respect, and trust, but by children. Their relationship is often full of frustration, anger, and pain, but because they have children, they won’t consider getting a divorce.
Of course, divorce and separation are harmful to children. However, staying in a toxic marriage is more painful and dangerous for children.
And that is why a toxic marriage for children is worse than divorce.
Children tend to develop anger problems later in life
Children from unhappy families tend to develop mood problems such as persistent depressive disorder and dysthymia later in life. If these problems are not addressed early enough, they can lead to substance abuse or a personality disorder late in life.
According to Psychology Today, most unfortunate children tend to lose hope and expect the worst in life. This affects their academic performance and overall happiness in life.
Children are allowed to copy their parents’ toxic marriage model
Children who grew up in a toxic marriage can replicate the marriage model they grew up with.
Seeing their parents arguing becomes normal and they will think it’s okay to use arguments to resolve differences. You will grow up believing that it is normal to be in a dysfunctional relationship, and relationships cannot be any different.
Children can blame themselves for your unhappiness
Even if you try to hide the deep unhappiness and lack of love in your relationship, children will pick it up again and again. And often they feel responsible for it too.
Says Betsy Ross of Huff, “Even the youngest children can sense that they are suffering and that things are not right. Since children are naturally self-centered and generally have the idea that they are more powerful than they really are, they are likely to think that they somehow caused your unhappiness and that it really is about them. “
Develop fear of intimacy
Children often see their family as an ideal model of what relationships are like. Therefore, when they see their parents in an unhappy relationship, they live with a fear that their future relationship will be similar.
They may also find it difficult to develop relationships or get close to people. Intimacy often triggers trauma and they avoid it to protect themselves from suffering.
Children could pick up bad habits
To protect themselves from the stressful situation at home, children try to numb their emotions by engaging in potentially addicting habits such as incessantly playing video games, using food to feel good, or refusing to eat.
Your emotional feelings can also show up in other areas of your life, such as: For example, if they lose interest in academics, get angry while playing, and argue with their peers.
Unless addressed early enough, these behaviors are likely to persist into adulthood and develop into eating disorders, gambling, substance abuse, and other unhealthy addictions.
I feel unloved
While most couples struggle to get along with their partners, not infrequently they like to show love for their children. They often look for ways to escape their unhappy marriages by avoiding being at home or talking to their partners. Some may even work longer hours or spend more time with their friends. This way, children have less time with their parents, leaving them feeling unnoticed, unworthy, and unloved.
Consider getting help
As you can see, staying in a bad marriage is far worse for your children than it is to get divorced. However, before you get divorced, it is important to seek help from a marriage counselor. That way, you can decide what is best for you and your children. Do not suffer in silence, hold out your hand.
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