Being in a close relationship with a narcissist can be terrible, but leaving and justifying your life is often a daunting task. It is important to think logically and plan your movements instead of being guided by your emotions.
In certain circumstances, remaining in a close relationship with a narcissist is unwise. For the most part, people leave or divorce a narcissistic partner because they feel insecure in the relationship or are abused. In other words, the person with narcissism threatened them and / or the safety or wellbeing of their children. It can take time to get out of the shadows of this type of toxic dynamic, and survivors can employ strategies to draw from them.
By definition, a person with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) feels entitled to certain privileges, and their sense of entitlement can lead to punishment for partners and / or children who show them no respect, admiration, or attention. One of the main aspects of recovering from a partnership with a narcissist is setting firm boundaries and protecting yourself and your children. Remember that a person with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) has no empathy or concern for others, so you cannot expect them to negotiate fairly or consider your children’s interests.
For the most part, trying to co-parent or have a friendly relationship with an ex with NPD is problematic and not a realistic expectation because it allows them to focus on themselves and their needs. According to family therapist Virginia Gilbert, MFT, attempts to share parents with a narcissist will put you in a fight. She writes, “The goals of high-conflict personalities must accept that it is not advisable to be” authentic “with their ex. Strategic limited disclosures and iron boundaries are critical to managing a high-conflict divorce. “
Before learning certain steps to re-establish a relationship with a narcissist, it is important to assess your level of narcissism and determine if this is what author Wendy Behary LCSW calls “dangerous narcissism.” In her acclaimed book Disarming the Narcissist, Behary describes this type of narcissist as ruthless and without a moral compass – as utter disregard for and contempt for others. She writes: “In certain circumstances, even if you have the leverage, it is not worth fighting for an intimate relationship with a narcissist. The narcissist can even pose a threat to your safety (and that of your children). “
Additionally, dangerous or abusive narcissists may offer excuses for their behavior, but they will never show remorse, so don’t let excuses convince you. Another differentiator among people with NPD is that they have an inflated sense of entitlement and self-worth that is not related to real talent or achievement. This can leave them feeling jealous or easily threatened if you or their children show attention or affection to others.
According to Behary, safety should be a top priority when dealing with a “dangerous narcissist” – especially if their threats are increasing and they are violent or explosive. It is best not to be alone with them. If your ex is constantly verbally or emotionally abusive and becomes calloused or threatening, then you need to decide to put the safety of yourself and your children first and develop an exit strategy when they become explosive.
When recovering from a relationship with someone with NPD, the focus should be on yourself and the healing. It is important not to blame yourself. According to author Tracy Schorn, you were used to focusing outward in a relationship with a narcissist – on warning of what to do next. She writes: “You have to learn again to concentrate only on what you can control – namely on your own behavior.” Once you step out of the toxic relationship, you need to regain your confidence and take control of your life! This process won’t be easy, but it is possible with a willingness to work on changing your approach and using the strategies outlined below:
5 steps to help you recover from a relationship with a narcissist:
1. Focus on the only thing you can control – your behavior!
You alone are responsible for your own happiness. Don’t let your ex talk you into doing something you’re uncomfortable with just to keep the peace. Adopt a business-like “facts only ma’am” style of communicating with him / her.
2. Set boundaries and minimize contact with your ex.
High conflict personalities thrive on the possibility of a fight. So be prepared and write a script that you can use when you speak to them and try to stick to it using as few words as possible. For example, if they are trying to persuade you to reunite, say something like, “I was trying to get this relationship working. Nothing has changed and it is not healthy for us to stay together. I wish you all the best.”
3. Don’t express real feelings to your ex or apologize for misconduct in the relationship.
If your ex is a dangerous or abusive narcissist, they could take your apology as evidence of your incompetence and use it against you, according to Virginia Gilbert, MFT.
4. Don’t condone disparaged or abusive behavior by your ex, and make sure you and your children feel safe.
This can mean having a close friend or family member on hand when talking to your ex-partner. If you are planning the worst (and don’t expect your ex to move on or to take care of you), your ex’s attempts to control you or come back are less likely to blind you. Make sure to save all abusive email and text messages.
5. Make sure you have adequate assistance from a lawyer, friends, family, and a therapist.
Therapists using cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) are usually most successful at dealing with survivors of a relationship with someone with NPD. Be sure to ask a therapist whether they have experience with this treatment method and NPD.
It is important to let go of the feeling of undue responsibility and stop putting your needs last at the expense of your own happiness. It is not uncommon for people with disjointed traits to be attracted to narcissists. According to Ross Rosenberg, an expert on code dependency and the author of Human Magnet Syndrome: Why We Love People Who Hurt Us, “Codependents who give and consume the needs and desires of others don’t know how to emotionally separate from romantic relationships Individuals who are narcissistic – individuals who are self-centered, controlling, and harmful to them. “
If so, by discussing ways to limit your counseling sessions with your ex, you can prevent yourself from relying on a toxic, self-defeating pattern of relationship with your ex (or a new partner) in the future. get in and you cannot give up your personal strength.
In conclusion, it is important that you take an honest look at the impact of your ex’s behavior and the dynamics in your relationship on you and possibly your children. Once you accept that you can only control your own behavior – not a person with NPD – your life will improve a lot. After all, you deserve to live a life of love and happiness! Do it!
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