Dating after a divorce is both an exciting and difficult game for women. After years of marriage, getting back to the dating game can be a daunting task. I know. After 18 years of marriage, 15 happy years, and 3 years of hell, my divorce was finalized last year. Here’s what I learned about post-divorce relationships.
Times have changed and it is a bit of a chore to prepare for what to wear or what to say. But with dating apps all in your hand, meeting new people shouldn’t be a burden.
Many women hate to feel up to date after a divorce. The pain of the process can keep them away from relationships while others needed more time to heal. Many divorced mothers feel vulnerable at this point. One reason is that they used to have a spouse to keep them safe and children need to be considered.
Love is hard, but you don’t have to shut yourself out from the world. When you’re back together, you can feel alive and happy. You just need to know how to get back into the field.
A 6 Step Guide to Dating After Divorce
1. Determine if you are ready
Are you pressured by friends? Or are you emotionally and mentally ready? If you feel more of the latter, congratulations! You are finally ready to explore new relationships.
Don’t rush into another relationship just to compensate for the emotional longing your ex-spouse left in you. Regardless of whether you are in your first or fifth year, preparation is case-by-case. Some take time, while others get up quicker. And guess what, everything is normal and fine.
If you are not comfortable with the idea of dating, it means you are not ready yet. Give yourself more time.
2. Accept that you are afraid
You don’t have to pretend you’re a tough cookie just to get back on track. Accept that you are afraid, your marriage has failed, and that you are ready to start over.
It’s perfectly fine to “grieve” for your failed relationship. Don’t beat yourself up too much, however. It’s true that divorce feels like upheaval or betrayal, but you shouldn’t let negative thinking consume you.
When you feel you are ready, take a step forward and play with the idea of meeting and welcoming new people in your life.
3. Know what your intentions are
Before getting back to the dating game, first ask yourself, “What is my intention to be together again?” When it comes to getting revenge on your ex, forget about it. It can be looking for a lifelong partner, a short-term relationship that can lead to something, or just for fun.
This intent will show you how to interact with people while dating.
4. Join dating apps
Gone are the days when you had to rely on someone else’s boyfriend to meet a new man. You should first decide what type of dating app you want to join. Are you into casual encounters with no serious commitments or more of a serious encounter?
If your end goal is to get sexually active, there are plenty of sex dating apps that you can join. Note, however, that most of the men and women here have the ultimate goal of being alone.
In case you don’t think about it, it’s better to get into casual dating apps. It always boils down to your intention to date. As you can see, it will determine how you deal with a potential relationship: are you just testing the water or are you looking for a lifelong partner?
5. Learn from your mistakes
After you make up your mind to jump into the dating game, divorce will teach you one thing: learn from your mistakes.
Admit that you made mistakes in your previous marriage. It may be bitter, but this will be your guiding light so that you don’t repeat it in your next relationship.
Find out why you lost your husband or partner. Have you been too possessive? Did you miss the intimate aspect? Every divorced woman will have her own story.
6. Do not stick to online contact
Once you’ve met someone online, communications stop dragging them to the web. Meet after two or three weeks so you know if the feelings or intentions are mutual. Is he just planning to lie down? Or is he looking for a partner for life?
It’s easy to fantasize about someone you’ve met online. So it’s better to meet the person as soon as possible to check where the two of you are in terms of your relationship.
Be careful though: tell a friend where you are going and invite them to a public place first.
Remember, dating is a numbers game. About 4 out of 5 people you’ve dated will go away. When this happens, don’t wallow in self-doubt. Just go on and on until you find your perfect match.