As hard as it is for you, divorce is more incomprehensible to your children. It can be even more difficult to deal with during the holidays. The emotions during the holiday season can be high, and it’s important to address those emotions when you can. It is best to follow these three rules as you address your concerns.
How to address emotions during Christmas
Avoid the urge to explain too much. Just indicate the Christmas schedule. You can’t predict how your ex will handle the day, nor can you predict the future. When you’re anxious and insecure, it is common to talk too much. Persuasion is confusing for everyone. They convey your best message when you are brief.
Share any information that will satisfy your children’s curiosity. Do not discuss information that does not contribute to your well-being.
If your divorce is final or about to be finalized, your children will have no room to negotiate or debate their desires. Open your heart and forgive them their need. Forgive yourself. Accept your situation and keep your heart open.
Being a cool mom or dad doesn’t mean you are true to the latest trends. Be cool in your emotional temperament. Your friends, therapists, and divorce coaches know the real business. You can talk to them about your feelings at Christmas with them. They know that you are hurt and that you need to express your feelings.
Understandably, your life experiences have shaken you. Keep your hot feelings for your children at bay. Just as your child withdraws when they touch a hot surface, they will run away from you when you are angry! When you’re cool, you have the clarity to truly witness your children and their joy. Life is easier when you are emotionally cool instead of running hot. Your kids will love your cool approach to Christmas!
Your children long for calm in the middle of the storm. Because you are facing that divorced Christmas, you are in a stressed out state. Your child will respond to your discomfort. Instead, you can choose to have the calm at the center of your emotional storm. If you keep calm, you will earn your child’s trust. Nobody wants to lean on someone who can be explosive at any given time. You need your children now this Christmas season.
Anchor your feelings to calm yourself down and go with the flow. A secret to staying afloat at rest is to pause and breathe in any parenting situation that may trigger you. In order to make this break successful, you need to be aware that you are being triggered.
Notice how your body feels. Do you feel your heart racing or your face turning red? When you feel your body react, you know it is time to open your lips. Choose to be silent, to pause, to breathe, and to concentrate in peace. You have access to this peace anytime you wish. Your children long for your peace and quiet and it will calm them down as they navigate through children of divorce.
It’s understandable that divorce and the celebration of Christmas is a time when you may feel a loss of confidence. Who are you now? You are no longer part of the partnership your marriage was. Where do you fit in Do you even feel single? Christmas celebrations are no longer a collaborative effort with your ex-spouse. When you keep an eye on your kids, it’s time to be confident despite the novelty.
Even if you’ve never cooked a holiday meal, you have reserves for success. You are confident and competent in other areas of life. Rely on these strengths and expertise and go for it! Cook this traditional meal. Grab a step stool and place the star on your Christmas tree. You can do it! Your vote of confidence gives your children security. You can be sure that if you are okay, they will be too! Watch your children express their trust as your trust is shining on them.
Stay in contact
Stay on the ground for who you are. It can be based on your spiritual beliefs or the anchor of your own upbringing. Feeling connected and grounded adds to your sense of purpose. You have the choice to act cool, calm and confident. Imagine how you want to be this Christmas. Stay connected with that vision. When you are in tune with your best self, you are projecting that assurance onto your child.
Your personal connection with your best self enables you to be present with your children in powerful ways. When you focus on what could or should have been, you are vibrating from a place of lack, regret, and guilt. Your thoughts and feelings are evident to your child in your body language and tone of voice. Honor your children and stay in touch with your foundation. Your child longs for your presence and wholeness more than anything that ends up under the Christmas tree.
Hold your feelings back while you divorce this Christmas. Be cool, calm, and connected. Watch your feelings and your words and bring your best to the Christmas festivities. You got that!