The divorce changes you. How can anyone expect us to be the same person we were when we just got married? You are not the same girl You went through some dark places to come here today. You have wrestled with some of the most challenging decisions of your life. And depending on where you are in your journey, you’ve seen some of the deepest, darkest downsides of yourself, and they’re painful.
If someone has not entered what I call after the divorce purgatory, the place you go after the divorce, where you are not entirely on the other side, then they have no idea how to support you during this time of your life can.
It’s easy for people to say, “Maybe there is something that you haven’t tried. What about the kids? What will people think? “- As if divorced mothers had not processed the answers to these questions over and over again in every waking minute of their lives.
In a divorce, you will face criticism, judgment, and many limiting beliefs. And what you need to constantly remember if you are to live a life of truth is that what these people are telling you reflects their own inner beliefs and fears, not yours. Believing what they tell you is like drinking someone else’s poison.
Dealing with conflicted family members during divorce
Can you live a life where you allow others to dictate it for you?
I think the universe must have conspired for me to learn this great lesson multiple times because I had to learn this lesson with numerous people in my life. I met many critics when I filed for divorce after a 19 year relationship with two children, many of whom were my own families. I often asked myself, “Why me? Why do I have so many high-conflict people in my life? “
There had to be a reason I had so many people in my life who kept me in the energy of struggle and defense. Wayne Dyer believed that “you create your thoughts, your thoughts create your intentions, and your intentions create your reality.” If this were true, how did my thoughts create my reality? I had to find out because it was popping up everywhere I went.
I got divorced and my mother refused to take my wedding photo.
After my divorce, my mother refused to take my wedding photo at her home. The picture was bigger than life. I am not joking; It yelled at me every time I went into the house. The frame was three feet high.
Her excuse was, “The kids. He’s still the father of the kids and I want to respect them. “Once again I swallowed my feelings to keep the peace for everyone else. I convinced myself that it was the selfless thing to just let it go, be calm and stop causing waves.
That was a pattern that followed me all my life – BE CALM, DON’T SPEAK YOUR TRUTH, DO WHAT EVERYONE ELSE THINKS IS RIGHT, FORGET YOUR FEELINGS.
It wasn’t until years later that I finally understood what to wear when I was in a relationship with a man who loved me inside out. The photo was the elephant in the room that nobody wanted to address, until one day my partner asked, “Why do your parents still have your wedding photo at home?”
I was used to betraying myself, giving up myself for fear of losing my family. That was completely normal for me. But it felt different now; It felt like I was betraying the new man in my life whom I loved very much. I realized the photo wasn’t about the kids. The photo showed the decades in which I silenced myself out of fear of others who withhold my love from me.
It’s not loving.
Love does not ask you to be silent. It doesn’t ask you to give up your ghost. It’s not used as currency – I will love you if (fill in the blank).
There was no regard for how I felt about the photo. My needs were not important to my family because I was the one filing for divorce. The message I received was, “You asked for a divorce and now the children are suffering. The least you can do is put aside your needs and feelings so that they stop causing discomfort. “
How I left myself to this day amazes me. Why don’t we do anything for ourselves but walk through fire for the people we love?
I am a protector by nature, and the lioness was born from decades of sleep. “Show me, Marisa, I want to hear your roar that you have suppressed for far too long.” My voice exploded. I can’t remember exactly what I said, but it had the effect, “The photo comes down better, and if it doesn’t, I won’t step foot in this house.”
I didn’t care how my truth ended up. It was no longer my job to worry about how others received my truth. My only worry was showing up for the little girl inside me who was supposed to be suppressing her emotions for fear of not being loved.
I gave the little girl her voice again. I showed her that she is important. As Wayne Dyer said, “Your thoughts create your intention and your intention creates your reality.”
The photo is no longer on the wall, but more importantly, I’ve healed the parts of myself that were once paralyzed by fear. I gave myself a voice that speaks the truth without worrying about what others will think.
You will always have high conflict people in your life. They will trigger you and push you to your limits. You can’t see it now, but they are your greatest teachers. They are a mirror in those parts of you that still need attention.
I realized it was never about her; it was about me. When I learned to love myself and not to betray myself anymore, I was able to stand firmly with both feet planted in the ground. In this place I was able to withstand any storm that came my way.
If you’d like to learn more about healing and finding your voice so you can live your truth, arrange a free phone call with me. I would like to help you regain your power. You can schedule your call HERE.