No matter how amicable the two parties may appear, divorce is rarely easy. It signifies the end of a time of love and peace and leads to a new direction. Divorce is full of insecurity, hurt feelings, anger, and dozens of emotions that can be difficult to understand.
Keeping peace during the divorce process is often overlooked because of these emotions. By maintaining the peace, anger can at least be managed in such a way that both sides can come to a more amicable solution.
Here are a few things to consider when trying to reach a peaceful settlement that will result in an ultimately amicable divorce.
Work and money
One of the most difficult aspects of divorce is finances. In general, divorce is lengthy and expensive, which leads to both sides feeling the tax implications of the whole process. This is why it is so important to approach divorce in a fair and consensual manner.
Understandably, tensions can be high and emotions even higher. When emotions are high, neither side is ready to bow down or compromise. Ultimately, this leads to the expensive, vicious divorces we are most familiar with.
Remember, legal proceedings are rarely the answer to solving money problems. Especially at times like these when COVID-19 is so prevalent, going to court can be the least productive method.
Going through a mediator is a great way to open up conversations and deal with potential short-term cash charges. Ultimately, it comes down to being sensible and amicable with your future ex-spouse.
School and children’s activities
Due to COVID-19, it looks drastically different. While some schools are back in class, many others resort to Zoom calling, resulting in kids missing out on social activities and play time. With many after-school sports and activities canceled, doing fun things with your children is more important than ever. Not only is it difficult to find new things to do with your children, but it can also be quite difficult to manage their school schedules, after-school activities, and parenting plans.
Whatever the case, it is important to work with one another throughout the divorce process and beyond. Like it or not, that person will forever be a part of your life because of the connection you share with your children. Making things more difficult only creates more stress, both for each other and for the children.
Try to work out a schedule for the school and the host families. Understanding where and when the kids will be can be of great benefit in minimizing contact between you and your ex-spouse during the divorce process and beyond.
Even when things are amicable and fighting isn’t particularly vicious, keeping communication to a minimum is of paramount importance. It limits the potential for disagreement and fighting, and therefore the potential for these things in front of your children.
Remember that the most important thing is the children, especially their education. With a common goal in front of you, it’s much easier to maintain positive, amicable communication all the time.
One of the most difficult aspects of divorce is communication. While this can be understandable – after all, things end negatively, and that rarely leads to healthy or positive interactions – it is important to establish boundaries and guidelines for communicating.
As mentioned above, particularly conflicting relationships should keep interactions to a minimum. Whenever possible, it is best to keep contact with text or email as this can leave the tone out and the tone generally leads to most arguments.
It’s also important to keep these negative interactions behind closed doors. The last thing anyone wants in a divorce is to air out their dirty laundry in front of the children. While emotions can be high, try to understand that there will be no fighting in front of the children.
Planning ahead is another important way to combat negative interactions. One of the main factors in ex-spouse fights is a lack of planning and understanding. One parent might think plans are a possibility while the other thinks they could be different. All that arises from it is tension, anger, and struggle.
A co-parenting calendar can be a great way to avoid confusion and generate more amicable interactions when needed. Knowing where your kids should be and who to take the guesswork out of the equation and have less of a negative impact on any of your lives.
Understanding is also important. Even the best plans can go wrong, so a little understanding can go a long way in preventing argument or fighting. Most of the time, the other person is not trying to be difficult. Things just happen. Even if they try to be difficult, starting a fight with them will do no good. As difficult as it may be, try to let go of these little inconveniences if you can.
For good or bad, your post-divorce life will have one important factor at any time: rotation of parents. Unless there is an extreme circumstance that requires only one parent to have access to the children, they must both divide their time in some way.
Understanding these rotations, being flexible, and planning ahead can help you avoid confrontations and make interactions peaceful. This understanding is important as these schedules can be treated as set in stone.
If “set in stone” schedules are disrupted, it can definitely lead to stress and disorder. Understanding can keep the relationship peaceful even in difficult situations, especially in front of the children.
In times like these in particular, it is important that everyone’s health and wellbeing come first. Perhaps it makes more sense for the children to stay with one parent. Having the understanding necessary to ease these circumstances can go a long way.
When it comes to giving up something – an important date or event – due to fluctuations in the schedule, it is important that both sides try to adjust later. Perhaps there is an important event coming up that requires a change in the schedule. If your ex is ready to admit, try to make it up to you later. This will go a long way towards maintaining peace, also in the face of uncertainty.
Above all, it is important to focus long-term. Either way, until your kids graduate and at least leave home. Whether or not there is communication after that is ultimately up to you, but that is a long, long time away.
Negative feelings can penetrate further than just the two parties to the divorce. Family members can feel hurt while defending their child and hit the ex. It is important to keep the grandparents in the mix for the happiness of the children.
Additionally, the grandparents in the mix can provide valuable breaks for each parent. Spending the weekend with grandparents allows both of them to take a break from the rigors of parenting together and recharge before returning to regular activities.
It is also important during these times to be careful with grandparents. COVID-19 has changed the way we interact with one another, and the elderly can be particularly affected. Be smart, keep lines of communication open, and always keep the children’s best intentions in mind.
It can also be a good idea to let the children spend time with their grandparents to give them opportunities for new activities. Keeping their children happy and healthy is paramount to all parents, and their relationship with their grandparents can be vital in promoting that happiness.
Being a parent is forever
Despite the fact that fewer and fewer marriages are forever, nothing changes about being a parent. Your commitment to your children should be a top priority. Working with your ex to create the best environment for the kids should be number one.
It may be difficult, especially in the face of a new divorce where tension and emotions are high, but working together can provide the stable foundation on which your children can grow, learn, and thrive when others struggle.
Divorce is a difficult endeavor. Don’t make it harder than necessary by digging your trench and waging emotional and verbal wars with your spouse at all times.
Photo by Deniz Altindas on Unsplash