As mothers, we were hardwired to put our needs last on the list. We care deeply about our children and want them to have the best that life has to offer. We will even convince ourselves to stay in relationships that no longer serve us for fear of who we believe divorce will harm their spirits.
I stayed for many years and convinced myself that it was “best for the children” to have mom and dad together under one roof. Little by little, I began to unknowingly realize who I was.
I became very tactful to distract myself: shopping, vacationing, planning events, engaging with the kids were all I numbed. Mothers are good at being busy. I convinced myself so brilliantly and told myself that I was so happy with my life that I believed my own betrayal.
Busy sounded better than disconnected.
As women, we are taught that it is honorable to sacrifice our needs for everyone else. In this way we learn, without getting along without asking for anything, to continue idling until the engine is completely empty. And by the end of my marriage, I ran out of gas. I had nothing more to give.
Everything I had given made me unrecognizable.
My marriage felt needy, separated, controlled, and stunted my growth. It never allowed the freedom to fly, to find out who I was, to adapt to my purpose.
I was conditioned to believe that flying was dangerous; it was not conducive to a healthy marriage. When you are married you do everything together, you become two beings turning into one or so I was told.
If I cut off my wings, I’ll stay. I let myself be believed that my true essence wasn’t as important as being “a good daughter, wife, and mother.”
What happens to a butterfly whose wings are cut off? Would it slowly get lost? The butterfly would live, but it would never fly again; it would never experience the freedom and joy of being fully immersed in its true nature.
I was that butterfly and it was no mistake other than my own that my wings were cut off. It didn’t happen in a single moment. It happens insidiously: every time you silence your voice, when you say yes but your heart says no, when you allow others to control your decisions, when you take the path of least resistance instead of being ready, To be alone in your power when you are living your life worrying about what others will say instead of saying this is who I am if you want to avoid hurting other people’s feelings at the cost of harming yourself.
Why do we cut our wings? Because we don’t want to feel uncomfortable, we prefer to sleep.
I divorced my children’s father so that I could leave a legacy of truth, courage, and resilience in the face of great adversity.
Divorce was not an option for the generations of women who came before me. They had to silence their voices and swallow their pain. This pain broke her and I bore her pain for many years until I realized it wasn’t mine.
I had to embody what it meant to “untangle the knots of divorce” in order to serve my purpose. I didn’t want my kids to know a mother who was disconnected, lifeless, and unfulfilled. I didn’t want my children to be obliged to fill the deep hole in me because I couldn’t find my happiness. An older angry and bitter woman was what I saw as my future me and it terrified me.
I have untied the knots of divorce to give other women the tools that have helped me not only get through but also heal from a high conflict divorce.
My divorce was painful. There were so many moments when I didn’t know how I was going to get through. The thought of running away and starting over became a recurring fantasy. I felt powerless and unsupported.
The pain of it all became a great catalyst for change. I was tired of experiencing the same recurring nightmare of not feeling good enough, feeling like a terrible mother, having to defend myself and prove myself worthy of growing my negative beliefs and thoughts like cancer and feeling Having no idea who I am wasn’t anymore.
Let divorce be the stepping stone to finding your truth
A stepping stone is an action that brings you closer to your goal. What do you think is the purpose of a divorce?
Let me first say what the purpose is not.
- The goal of divorce is not:
- to survive
- Hide in shame and guilt
- Avoid hard conversations
- Defend yourself as a mother or a woman
- Hold on to whatever you don’t want to hold on to
- Stay quiet
- Hold on to beliefs that are not in your greatest good
- Get stuck, immobile, paralyzed
- Live in fear
The divorce burns all boats and leaves you alone on the island. When you are alone on this island, you will find that divorce is not the problem. The real problem is you’ve forgotten who you are. You have forgotten your strength, you have forgotten your purpose and you have not learned how to stop wearing what is not yours.
In my digital course you will learn:
- Awareness of what led you to this unconscious relationship
- How to create lasting change
- The language commonly used in divorce that creates your reality
- Limiting Beliefs You Hold on to
- How to stop sacrificing who you are as a mother for fear of “losing” your children
- How to reconnect with what matters most, your inner spirit
And so much more!
When I work with customers, the first thing we do is look at what is not serving them. You will learn how to put down the fight. They understand that no matter what their ex does or doesn’t do, it has nothing to do with their journey to reconnect to their truth.
One of my clients said to me, “Marisa, I’ve started letting go of control, letting go of expectations, and it has started to change the dynamics of our mutual parenting. My child was happy to go to his father instead of fighting against it. “
You have the power to heal what led you to this unconscious relationship, to release your luggage and become parents who do not rely on their children to fill the void within them, but instead begin to heal ourselves. You have to be willing to put your ego and pride aside and love each other unconditionally.
Co-parenting doesn’t have to be driven by hurt egos. Your children deserve to have parents who did the job releasing and healing their luggage and who remember who they are. True embodiment means making the conversation for your children. It means showing them that they can honor one another as parents of their children even when mom and dad are no longer married.
It’s your decision. Either you can choose to get stuck in combat and believe me, this can take decades, or you can step out of the rink and focus on what you can control … YOU and your happiness.
Click this link for more information about this course!