On Father’s Day and Each Day

Love teaching always begins in childhood with the parent-child relationship. When children really feel loved by a father, they will grow up knowing how to love others.

Father’s Day is just another day in my house. My father died 13 years ago and my ex-husband has no relationship with our two sons. I was blessed with a loving father who earned celebration every day of the year.

My boys, bless their hearts, got the kind of dad who uphold the old stereotypes about dead daddies. I have been divorced from her father for 19 years, during which time I dare say that 90% of the time he was not a father.

When I started this article, I was amazed, what can I, a mother whose sons have no father, say to divorced fathers on Father’s Day? Then I realized that her father’s absence taught me a lot about the importance of fathers in a child’s life. Not just on Father’s Day, but every day.

Whether you have full custody, 50/50 custody or dad every other weekend, if your little ones give you a gift and a card on Father’s Day, it’s not because you are special on a day, but rather because you add value to their lives every day.

The worth of divorced fathers:

Pop up:

When you show up despite a difficult visiting schedule or conflict with your ex, your kids will learn persistence. If you continue to be involved in your children’s lives even after the divorce, taking your time with them in every small amount, teach your child that it is worth pursuing them persistently when they care. What a wonderful lesson to teach!

You learn that they are important:

Not only are you teaching your children that they are important, but you are also teaching them by example that what they do matters. When you show them that they matter, they will learn to care for others. You teach them that deeds, words and deeds are the true measure of a person when you show up, and you show them that they can trust your deeds, words and deeds.

You give them someone to go to:

When they’re hurt or confused about an issue, they know you’re available. They make a difference when they’re down and out. By being there for them, you teach them to be there for others. They have a direct impact on how empathic and compassionate they become.

They influence their ability to learn:

Children with committed, caring fathers have better educational outcomes. Fathers who are involved with and care for their children affect their IQ scores, as well as their cognitive, verbal, and intellectual functions. So show up as often as you can because you will raise geniuses!

They affect their mental health:

Children with good relationships with their fathers are less likely to experience depression or disruptive behavior. Boys with committed fathers had fewer behavioral problems in school and girls had higher self-esteem. In other words, when you show up, teach your boys the importance of proper behavior and your girls never to settle for that clumsy boy that every father fears.

You teach your sons to be good fathers:

Fatherhood involves commitment, self-sacrifice, integrity, and unconditional love. Responsible fathers care about the wellbeing of their children and they want their children to be successful in all areas of life.

Maintaining the relationship with your sons educates them “properly”, as my grandmother used to say, educates them and promotes healthy development. Do this for your sons and your grandchildren will be rewarded with loving, caring fathers.

You teach them how to love:

Love teaching always begins in childhood with the parent-child relationship. When children really feel loved by a father, they will grow up knowing how to love others. The ability to give love is directly related to the love we receive, especially in childhood. Showing off your children and filling them with love will play a huge role in the type of romantic relationships they enter into as adults.

And that’s just the shortlist! Raising two boys alone taught me a lot about the worth of a father. From years of working with clients and hearing from fathers on email, I know that my ex-husband is not representative of the vast majority of divorced fathers.

We hear a lot about single mothers and divorced mothers, but very little about divorced fathers. We value the mother-child relationship and sometimes reject the father-child relationship. It is my wish on this Father’s Day that divorced fathers know that their children know, even when others are not careful.

You wait for your call, look out the window, look for your car, count the days until your next visit. They are eager to see you, share their life with you, and love you. And every time you show them your value increases tenfold.

When you’re a divorced dad who shows up, every day with your kids feels like Father’s Day to them.

So, happy “Father’s Day” today and every day.

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