The midlife crisis is about having fun and recapturing those youthful feelings.
The midlife crisis is an emotionally uncomfortable time that men and women between 35 and 55 go through. For most, it is a time to question priorities and adjust their lifestyle to suit their emotional needs.
For others, midlife can create a real “crisis” that leads them to get lost outside of marriage to experience the affection and attention of a member of the opposite sex. They can question any decision they made in the first half of their lives. It is these people who usually destroy their families and seem to completely change their characters and belief systems.
Do you really want a divorce or do you have a midlife crisis?
If you have any of the following feelings, think twice before getting divorced.
Feel the need for adventure and change
He goes out and buys a new sports car or Harley. It becomes a bar fly that comes in at 3:00 a.m. every morning. It’s about having fun and recapturing your youth. If your spouse neglects things that were previously important to him / her for skydiving … something he / she never showed interest in, he / she is probably in a midlife crisis.
In such a situation, a choice is yours. Skydiving and hanging out in biker bars is better than sitting at home alone wondering what your spouse is up to. Participating a little in their newfound need for adventure can move you closer together instead of creating the distance that can cause the midlife spouse to start wondering if they should stay in the marriage or not.
Feelings of depression
Some who find themselves in a midlife crisis experience depression, which affects their mood and negatively affects activities and relationships. Friends, family, and work can all be neglected. If you think your spouse is suffering from depression, look out for the following symptoms:
- Sadness, hopelessness, helplessness, pessimism
- Loss of interest in once enjoyable activities
- Lack of energy
- Inability to concentrate or make decisions
- Unusual sleep patterns
- Unusual appetite, weight loss, or weight gain
A loss of interest in things that used to be important
I received a letter from Jason who was concerned about the changes he was seeing in his wife. After 23 years as a nurse, she quit her job. According to Jason, she wanted to go back to full-time school and get a degree in philosophy. His wife had gone from being a “no-nonsense Christian” to a woman who wondered if there was a God or not.
Jason said he doesn’t know the woman he was married to for 18 years and that he feared she might go through a midlife crisis. One thing is for sure, she questions her values and beliefs and no one knows where those questions will lead her.
Anger and guilt towards your spouse
You are the problem! If it weren’t for you, life would be great for the spouse in midlife crisis. If she trips on a banana peel at work, you will be blamed. The spouse who is in a midlife crisis never looks inward and investigates why he / she feels unsatisfied.
They look outward and blame others, and since you are the main relationship in their life it makes sense that you should bear most of the blame for their bad feelings. Expect your spouse to be quick-tempered and angry. Don’t respond when your buttons are pressed. An answer is what they want, and you don’t want to play into their need for conflict.
You cannot make decisions about your future
Joan’s husband found a new wife and wanted to get a divorce. However, he refused to apply for a divorce. He left Joan and told her that he had never been in love with her, that it had been a mistake to marry her. Joan was devastated!
Over a period of eighteen months, Joan’s husband regularly changed his mind about his feelings for Joan. He packed his bags and left the door out to speak abuse. A month later he called home tearfully. It wasn’t long before he went back out the door and moved back in with the other woman.
Joan eventually filed for divorce and helped him make the decision he couldn’t seem to make. Both are now living with the painful consequences of his midlife crisis.
Question your decision to marry your spouse
You may have just celebrated your 29th birthday. You may have lived with a spouse who on the outside appeared to be happy in the marriage. It is not uncommon for a husband or wife who has never complained about marriage to suddenly tell you that they “lived in hell” from the start.
The spouse in the midlife crisis will wonder if the marriage was ever legitimate. They will demonize you and accuse you of forcing them into marriage in order to make the marriage out of wedlock. They are portrayed as the evil spouse who has never met their emotional or physical needs so that the spouse in the midlife crisis can justify their feeling of discomfort with the marriage. If this is the case in your situation, you shouldn’t believe anything you are told and very little of what you see.
The desire for a new and more passionate intimate relationship
The husband / wife who is in a midlife crisis may get tired of “same old, same old” in the bedroom. It is not uncommon for someone married to a spouse who is in a midlife crisis to suffer the negative consequences of their infidelity.
If your spouse spends more time on computer chatlines, works strange hours, or works more than usual on their cell phone, you are seeing signs of a fraudulent spouse. These are only signs, but along with the other symptoms of a midlife crisis, consider the possibility that your spouse has found someone who fulfills the need for a more passionate, intimate relationship.