Divorce is neither easy nor something everyone expects of us when we look each other in the eyes, when we swear to love, honor, and cherish one another. Part of the destruction of divorce is the destruction of those vows.
I take pride in my trustworthiness, integrity, and character. I struggled to figure out where these would fit as I stood on the edge of the cliff, surrounded by the mountain of pain that had become my marriage, grappling with the excruciating decision of whether to jump or not. I stayed on the edge of this cliff for almost a decade before getting lost in waiting. I disappeared in want and I broke in need.
From the outside, I had everything, a marriage of over 30 years, great children, a nice house and financial security. When I lost myself, I lost the strength, will, passion, strength and longing to fly, so I crawled down the mountain in search of one thing and just one thing. Me.
After the divorce, everyone questions aspects of themselves, their worth, their desires, needs, and desires, and their ability to continue to hope and dream.
Every day you make decisions and decisions that determine who you are and how you will show yourself for your life.
I want to share with you some important decisions that you can make as you learn to love yourself in whole new ways so that you can build the future that you really want. Starting over after the divorce is really a bold step forward in your journey.
Sometimes the journey doesn’t take you where you want to go and it is full of challenging moments, but let those moments transform you into someone stronger, wiser, kinder, bolder and always more loving.
Starting over after the divorce
Face your fears and feel your feelings.
You cannot heal what you won’t feel, and any divorce requires healing, even the friendly ones. We all have deep-rooted fears of unworthiness that are hidden within us. The divorce calls them into the light. Question their validity and decide if they are true and if they still serve you. If not, you can choose to let them go while making a commitment to truthfully moving forward.
If you are starting over from a healthy, empowered position after divorce, there is no need to bury, deny, ignore, or distract your fears and feelings about those fears in order for you to return to love. Let fear teach you the valuable lessons you can learn now, and let those lessons lovingly mold you into who you want to be.
Choose to be truly and deeply grateful for the class.
Classes may not be what you want, but they will always be what you need. Choose to see the beauty in all its complexity. Starting over after the divorce is a long and winding road that can feel dangerous at times, but the gifts you receive are really worth the effort. Initially, the gifts may not be recognized as pain is often overshadowed, but they do not stop moving forward.
What you are supposed to conquer will keep popping up one way or another until you deal with it effectively. While we can’t choose the lessons we learn, we do decide how many times to repeat the same unhealthy patterns before we stop, listen, and pay attention. Pay attention to what is in your heart. Leave your heartache It’s time to stop feverishly trying to mend the cracks. Love the cracks! This is how the light comes in. When you accept your truth, are in your power and love yourself completely, the path to forgiveness will all crack and open, providing access to deep wisdom and inner strength that will lead you exactly where you want to be.
Forgive what you cannot forget.
Forgiveness is a gift that you give to yourself because it expands your heart and frees your mind to experience the pure healing powers of love. Forgiveness doesn’t excuse someone else’s behavior, but it does keep their behavior from destroying your heart. Sometimes we forgive the person, but what remains are the stories we repeat in our own mind about the hurts we have suffered. Forgive yourself for keeping the pain alive by continuing to remember all the things that hurt you.
Forgive yourself for being who you had to be at the time, and then forgive all of the people who hurt you. Allow the journey to start over after the divorce to be a beautiful, healing, transformative experience that opens your future to unlimited possibilities.
Make up your mind to own your worthiness.
Many of us lose who we are when we are in a relationship, and divorce can leave us feeling lost, confused, and unsure of who we are or what we have to offer in the future. We give up our strength and forget all the things that make us wonderfully unique. Starting over is an opportunity to have your worthiness and take back your strength. How does it look? It remembers who you are. It takes stock of who you have become and it changes the things that no longer represent who you want to be. You must love and honor yourself before asking others to do so.
Make up your mind to dream again.
You may feel like the dream you had in mind for your life died after starting over after the divorce. You may be afraid to dream because you are so disappointed or disaffected. Dare to dream again. Create a dream so big that you won’t be able to achieve it until you grow up to be a person who can. From this day forward, be determined to be the best version of yourself, and most importantly, have your own back. Love yourself and know that one day you will love again!