Emotions are high when you struggle for your parental leave, living space, assets and self-worth. If your divorce is controversial, choosing vulgar language and communicating with grit and raw emotion is easy. As natural and tempting as it is to text your ex from this emotional space, there are benefits in choosing your words carefully and taking to the streets during the divorce.
Tips on High Roading During Divorce
When writing to your ex, it is recommended that you use email instead of text so that a valid record of your correspondence is available when needed. If you feel overwhelmed with emotion and need to communicate with your ex-spouse, take a few breaths and do this instead:
- Write your letter in a Word document, date it, and file it as unsent. This is a great way to let go of your emotions and let off steam while maintaining your dignity.
- Ask a close and trusted friend if you can write your tirade to them. Write like you are talking to your ex but text your friend a message. You get the benefit of taking the poisonous words and turbulent emotions to a safe place.
Take the main road
Taking to the streets in communication is never about empowering your emotions. Your feelings need to be expressed and released. At the same time, they do not have to act as an ignition device, which further damages the communication channels with your Ex. Hire a divorce coach or therapist to help you manage your emotions during this difficult time.
Once you’ve got your raw words and reactions out of your system, start designing your street communication. Three reasons to take the main road are:
Reflect and choose your words. Imagine a first responder in an emergency situation. You will be prepared with equipment and a protocol. You respond to the matter. What if they came to your 911 and reacted recklessly? Imagine their fear and panic. You would be hectic looking for the right gear. When you choose your words and write from a high-road perspective, you will respond. When you write from your emotions, you respond. You don’t want this first responder reactively to come to your aid. Let go of your anger. Then choose effective and neutral communication. Now you are on the main street! Your message will be received more effectively and will serve you better if you have to come back to it later for legal reasons.
The second reason you might want to take to the streets during divorce instead of betraying your ex is because of your legacy. Whether you have kids or not, your words leave a mark. At some point in our life, you may look back and regret your tone, your accusations, or your naming. Perhaps you will remarry and your spouse may not understand your past emotional tirades. When you are a parent, always remember that your children represent half of each of you. Blasting your ex can be construed as berating your child.
Your self-esteem is high when you are on the country road. Since you won’t bend over to meet your low-level ex and create harmful communication, you will stay intact with your character. Being the best of you while managing your divorce will serve you well. If you can address and let go of your emotions and communicate the core message that needs to be conveyed to your ex, you are doing your best! When you look back on this transition period, you will know that you did your best.
Your divorce can be filled with sadness and anger. Even so, you have an opportunity to be kind to yourself. The hallmarks of communicating with your ex-spouse are neutrality and directness of your tone. Your words are professional and concise. The gift of communicating this way is that you have no reason to look back and regret your behavior. Rest assured that you did the best you could. The sum total of any of these actions is that you are kind to yourself. In these turbulent times, you need to take care of yourself and be kind. Let your best qualities shine through. Being on the main drag is the best thing you can do for yourself.
Take that away
With all the challenges of a divorce, one of the gifts is that it can add character and resilience to you. You are strong and you will get through this. I encourage you to be motivated by the benefits of eloquence, your heritage, and your self-friendliness. Take the main street when you are corresponding with your ex.