I recently read an article about a woman who informed her future ex-husband that she wanted to get a divorce by putting up a sign in a bar he frequented.
In it she informed him that she was taking the dog, knew about his affairs and would leave him.
Given that the setup sounds like a great country song, telling your spouse to paraphrase the late, great Johnny Paycheck is probably not the best way to paraphrase the late, great Johnny Paycheck, “You can get this marriage and push it, me don’t live here anymore … “wants a divorce.
To say, “I want a divorce”
So wrong, but it feels so good
When we are hurt, scorned, or angry, the tendency is to want our pounds of meat. Strike back and hurt those who hurt us.
But as soon as the initial satisfaction of waning at all, we are left alone with our thoughts, wondering whether we have done the right thing.
There are those who harbor the anger and try to use it to their advantage. These are the people who typically hire lawyers, litigate their divorce, and go bankrupt emotionally and financially in the process.
Sure, you may think you’re going to “win” something, but I can promise you that in a divorce there are no winners. Well, except for the lawyers, if you go that route.
And as an added bonus, once the dust has settled, you will find it harder to recover from the divorce and get on with your life. Trust me as I’ve seen it with my friends and family …
keep Calm and carry on
On the other side of the coin, you have to get people onto the higher road.
Is that hard to do? Absolutely. But as any history student can tell you, one side was perceived as “victorious” in terms of a full war, but at what cost?
Take the Second World War, for example. The Allies (the so-called “winners”) lost a total of 40 million people. Estimates of the death toll during the war are between 65 and 78 million. Basically, the winner suffered more than 50% of the losses.
How does that win?
The same goes for divorce. If you stay calm, you are more likely to be able to use mediation to resolve the issues surrounding your divorce.
The benefits of mediation include:
- Lower cost – Individuals mediating their divorce save an average of $ 21,000 on their divorce. According to an article published in the Wall Street Journal on April 3, 2013, the average cost of a divorce through an attorney is $ 27,000. The average mediated divorce cost per Forbes Magazine is $ 6,000.
- Less time – Those who mediate typically complete the process in an average of 3 months, as opposed to the 2 to 3 years it takes for a divorce to proceed.
- Better results – Couples who use mediation say they are more satisfied with their settlement, which leads to better compliance with things like maintenance and support.
Is a Moment of Bliss worth a lifetime of misery?
Ultimately, divorce is about moving on and finding the best possible solution.
So ask yourself this. What do you think will happen if you turn your future ex into a flamethrower and torch with a sign in a bar announcing your divorce? Do you think they’ll agree to let you keep the house? pay the requested child benefit or maintenance? Do you agree to your preferred custody agreement?
Eh, no. But on the contrary.
So when it’s time to say goodbye, take it from someone who has seen all levels of conflict from being slightly uncomfortable to screaming, yelling and throwing at each other.
How you start the divorce process determines how you go through it and ultimately recover from it. Hence, suppress the urge (tempting as it may be) to give your future ex the royal kiss-off and take to the streets.
You and your kids are guaranteed to be much better off in the long run.
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